Everything in my life is centered around lists. There seems no greater feeling than crossing off a lingering item on one of my many lists. I see no shame in this habit, except for the fact that I realized it's not only little tasks that I wish not to forget, it leaks into the way I live. I have these checkpoints set up in my mind on how I want my life to work. I have to finish college, get a job, get an internship, get married, ect.... it's never ending. This cyclical process, or maybe more linear, does give me something to look forward to, however it also damages the excitement in living. I never seem to be living mentally in the present. The present is just a task I need to fufill in order to move on to another task, or memory, or moment. I never allow myself to fully engage in the present moment. All these pretty colored post-it notes are invading my life and I need to claim it back! I must make the promise to myself to not worry and dwell on the future, but to take part in what is before my eyes. I need to live and love and linger in the moment.
The future takes care of itself. It took me a very long time to realize that. We can somewhat script it, but it will always surprise us, which makes it so delicious and worth waiting for.
ReplyDelete